big girl bed

One of my earliest memories is just a few fragmented images of my very first bedroom and workmen coming to dismantle my crib and deliver and set up my big girl bed ( my mother's name for it, not mine). I might have been three at this point, but I could have still been two. I remember being excited but also resistant to them taking away my crib.
I don't remember this, but apparently when I was about to turn four I told my mother that I wanted to cancel my birthday because I had really liked being three, but two had been better and I certainly didn't want to try out any older ages. I came around to turning four before my mother had to explain to me that I didn't have a choice in the matter, (my sister told me I couldn't get presents if I didn't have a birthday) but I think it is telling.
I still have difficulty untangling myself from my role of the baby of the family and believing that I really am an adult.

I looked at apartments today. I kept thinking the leasing agent was going to stop me mid-tour and tell me she had figured me out and ask me where my parents were. I am an adult looking for apartments all by myself and nobody is telling me I can't. Whoa. This is very scary but even more awesome. I have always had roommates, some amazing, some insane, some in-between. I was really afraid of living on my own for a really long time but now Im just really hoping I can afford it and get a suitable place for a dog. I am getting excited about decorating and finding cheap and free furniture. I know I will get overwhelmed and scared at least a couple more times in this process but right now Im just really happy and optimistic. I also just had the best improv day I've had in a long time. Everything came together and I was proud of myself and so excited about the awesome people I get to play with. Maybe the other shoe doesn't have to drop.